Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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