Someone shit on the floor
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
