You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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