Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
