I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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