On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize