And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
