Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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