From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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