i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
