So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
