It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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