sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
