Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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