ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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