we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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