It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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