you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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