i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
