His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
