2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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