I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize