i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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