It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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