they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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