I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
