Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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