I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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