my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
