I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he thought i was a dude.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
