All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
