I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
