u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
did i walk over a car last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
