Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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