Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
