FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
