There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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