Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They took my balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
