Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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