I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
