I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
