A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
