I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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