I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
