where does the pee come out of this thing
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
