That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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