I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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