You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize