Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He felt like a one man threesome
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
