I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
