i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
