Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
