It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
