I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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