So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
