:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
