So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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