I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
