sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
