That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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