dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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