Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
