At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
