Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
