I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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