his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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