I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
