so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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